


Vegoemon

by Kamisa



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Domestic, Fujiko (mentioned), Goemon can't cook, Multi, but Jigen can, mentioned lupin/fujiko, the ship is not important for the plot so you can ignore it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:48:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22990495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamisa/pseuds/Kamisa
Summary: Goemon has new life philosophy and Jigen hates it.
Relationships: Jigen Daisuke/Arsène Lupin III
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	Vegoemon

**Author's Note:**

> It was written by my gf, I've only checked and translated it

“God damn it!”

There was the sound of broken glass from the kitchen with a series of curses in several languages. Surprised Lupin detached himself from the book he was reading and stuck his head out the door to see what happened behind the wall. Jigen sat on the floor tiles, usually white, but now bathed in shades of rotten green and brown, covered with glass from a broken jar. Smeared with unidentified gunk, he looked like he was fed up with everything.

“What happened here?” Lupin asked, but didn't take a step toward the kitchen. He wasn't about to help his friend, and what's more – when Jigen finally looked at him – he made a loud snort. “You look like someone poured half a liter of liquid peas with carrots on you!” the thief began to choke with laughter and wipe away tears.

“That's exactly how it was.” replied the gunman, who for some reason was not amused by this situation "It's all because of damn Goemon and his stupid frills."

“These are no frills,” said the samurai who just got into the kitchen. Jigen just looked at him irritably in such a way that he took a step back. Goemon cleared his throat. "Besides, it's your fault you dropped my pears. And what will I eat for dinner now?”

“And that is your problem!” Jigen said angrily. “Instead of eating like a human, eating like all of us, you make some terrible gunks, stuff the fridge with them, the whole kitchen then smells of some weed, it’s impossible to live with you lately! Where did you get this whole veg-something? You can make life difficult for yourself, but why do you make ours too!?”

“First of all: this is veganism. Secondly, it is my new philosophy of life, and thirdly, I do not interfere with your eating.”

“I don't give a fuck what you eat, Goemon, but could you _please_ do it away from us and our kitchen?” the gunman got up and began to wipe away the remains of food. He looked at Lupin, who got out of nowhere a packet of popcorn and now ate it theatrically, smiling broadly at them. "Could you support me? You have also recently complained that you almost managed to drag Fujiko to bed, but the romantic mood spoiled the stench of burnt bean chops! Tell that idiot to start eating normal things or I'll make him leave, together the ”

Lupin, hearing the name of his beloved, immediately put on a serious face.

“He's right, Goe,” he said seriously. “You have to end it.”

The samurai looked at him incredulously.

“Really, Lupin?” the thief just spread his arms wide. Goemon sighed. "Maybe I actually overdone those five jars of kimchi last week," he admitted. Memories of the smell of fermented Chinese cabbage made Jigen looked like he had a war flashbacks. “but how do I disturb you? I do it for the sake of animals, our planet and...”

"But definitely not for our sake, Goemon. Think about your behavior and we'll talk later." said Jigen in a tone of neurotic father and left the place pea disaster, leaving the green, trail on the carpet leading up to the bathroom.

  
  


***

“You know, I really don't mind him eating his weeds.” Jigen snuggled up to Lupin, who was sitting on the bed. “I read recently what is going on in this whole veganism and it makes a little sense. But why is it all so bland, it smells and resembles mud?”

“Maybe because the only thing Goemon can cook is rice?” said the thief, without interrupting reading the book on the secrets of biochemistry. “I saw that he recently bought some recipe book, but from what I see, most dishes still go with smoke. Wait," Lupin pulled away from the text and looked at Jigen. “You have worked as a chef for awhile, haven’t you? You could show him a thing or two and we could survive it somehow.”

“Ekhem, you know that I disgust with greens.” Jigen leaned back, offended “My specialty has always been steaks and pork chops, you won't get me into making salads. You know that I will not last a day without meat, let alone that he refuses to eat even cheese! Yellow, delicious, dragging cheese! He’s crazy, I'm telling you.”

“Okay, okay, forget it. But you know, we would all be better off if he could cook anything edible” Lupin sighed and sank into reading.

***

Goemon got up in a very bad mood. He didn’t eat dinner yesterday, then was scrapping up dried food remnants from all kitchen furniture until late, and now he had to face the truth he had never wanted to admit: he had no idea how to cook. With a resigned expression, he entered the kitchen, opened the fridge, and looked sadly at its contents. It took him a moment to see Jigen sitting in the corner of the room, who was staring at him in a pained expression.

“What do you want, you came to make fun of me? That I can not cook? That I can not do anything?” he asked with a warlike face, worthy of a samurai wanting to commit seppuku.

"Don’t be such drama queen. I'm going to show you how to do a few things without filling the whole kitchen with smoke. Maybe I'm not a specialist in the field of salads, but I have to help you, otherwise we will all be damned here.” the ex-sniper, gunman and security guard sighed deeply. “Give me that damn pea. We're starting with this shit.”


End file.
